sometimes a girl takes to her blog and vents...

wtf (what the funk) is with this "mom-guilt" thing? and none of us are immune! well... no thanks.

the only good use of guilt is as a check to make sure one's life is aligned with their values.

i have been allowing the guilt to have a field-day in my head, so definitely not putting it to the good use mentioned above.

i am tired, and when i am tired i am not alert.

when i am not alert, my mind roams to the most unnecessary of places.

but it really just wants me to come reign it in, scoop it up, and hug it.

but then the guilt! see? it's like, no, no hug for you!

seriously? enough already.

*mind-hug*

there were lots of other, more happy and fun posts that i thought about writing, but just getting this out feels nice. and leaves a nice blank canvas for aforementioned happy-fun posts :)

AND TO ALL A HAPPY SOLSTICE!

the winter solstice is the ancient traditional new year. a time to honor the darkness within and without, to let ourselves rest, as we will be as new babes in the coming year. time for don't know mind. 

i feel infinitely blessed that baby z was born the day after solstice. we were both born. i just think it is really cool, symbolically--it flows. i like it :) winter solstice is a time to release whatever's left that is limiting us. a time to empty our cups--so we can refill them with our hearts' dreams in the coming year! 

please see MYSTIC MAMMA for the cosmic lowdown. i am feeling the gratitude in finding this site! thank you mm! there's boundless inspiration to be found. much needed support for the changing times in which we live.

this new dawn holds much promise and i am very excited; a year ago i was at the biggest turning point in my life and now i have come full circle. i have my happy/healthy/terrific baby lee *gratitude* time to pause, reflect, and celebrate with ceremony... before the cycle begins again :) wishing you all a merry day and blessed solstice <3

hey, look! it's the new year baby!

note: the heavens have some fireworks in store for the end of 2013/beginning of 2014. the year is going out with a bang and coming in with one as well--double-bang--hello grand cross! be ready by grounding yourself in love and taking your rest now. stay in tune with your soul and tuned into MYSTIC MAMMA for upcoming details!

#tbt

one year ago this very day...
#pregnantselfie

yep. three days before i birthed my beloved son. i am perhaps the most nostalgic i have ever been. and also have more than a few posts devoted to this nostalgia brewing. i'd like to do a bursting-at-the-seams mono-post, but that won't do. neither will a slew of micro-posts... so because lee is awake and plays only so long with his grandpa before grandpa returns him to me... this will be a throwback to pregnancy post. and, i believe that it just so happens to be throwback thursday, according to the interwebz! so in the spirit of things, a collection of bump photos and a painted portrait, all by ronnie gist, a visionary artist-friend, thank you, ronnie!

hummingbirds & hawks

one week until christmas in los angeles. behold! some welcome color change!

another blessed, lovely day! *gratitude* lee and i went to our usual park for our usual walk and play. we saw a pair of hummingbirds play and joyfully flit about. love them so! we saw my beloved totem, red-tail hawk, hang out right above us on a light post. we said our hellos, listened and watched awhile. mr. hawk was calling non-stop before he took off and landed directly atop the nearest soaring pine.

another hawk then swooped over from a neighboring sky-high tree, landing directly next to hawk 1. they began calling in unison. to me, it felt strange. the calling continued uninterrupted for over five minutes (at which point we left so lee could get a nap in--never happened by the way, but he's now snoozing comfortably and adorably to my right. woot!). i wondered if these were two baby hawks who needed their mama.

a few days earlier we were blessed to see two hawks soaring; a larger one flying lower, and a smaller one, exploring loftier heights. i decided that it was a mama teaching her baby to fly. so today my mind immediately went to the thought of baby hawks in distress. i wanted to stay longer and investigate, but lee-lee is first. as we were taking off, a mob of crows flew in, ready to harass and chase off the raptors. who knows what happened, but being that this park is our little hotspot, perhaps we will see more avian-action. it seems to be a bird-y hotspot too :)

fun fact, my first word was "bird". i enjoy watching them congregate and soar, listening to their melodies, and just plain enjoying their presence. almost all my animal totems are birds. lee is fascinated by them. although his first word was "dog"--kid loves dogs. lee has praying mantis and grasshopper totems (and now red-tail!) so far. a baby of each visited him. he was very intrigued, and i was delighted as well. being that mantis is also a totem of mine, i had visions of mama-baby tai chi dancing in my head... along with some sugar plum fairies ;) ho ho ho!

i'm very excited for all that's coming up. the winter solstice, lee's first birthday (!), christmas, the new year. i am looking forward to celebrating and sharing these special times with baby boy. yay.

farewell, fall

today fall really announced it's getting ready to skip town. temperatures dipped and the winds stirred up all the fallen leaves. we went to the park for a walk and some play. it was kids galore, nannies too. lee met a baby girl a month older than him and they vibed pretty well. his mom and i had a nice little chat. bonus.

being that we have the full moon (1:28 am!) in gemini, my brain is exploding with information and ideas. about a million projects. yesterday i got crafty and made a painted penne pasta garland and some paper ornaments for our tiny tree, really simple ideas that just slipped in the right lobe straight from the void (thank you, gemini, you rock!).

if you're like me and loving the quick mental energy but are verging on overload, join me in unplugging for a few and indulge yourself in some healing breaths and let it all go. it'll be right where you left it tomorrow :) revel in the full moon energy and do what your soul loves, celebrate. pause for a moment to dream your perfect life into existence--it's happening now :)

lots of love all~

nappy fuzz

"mmmama let's craft!" 

going

 going...

 all dressed up and nowhere to go

 getting to know his shadow-self

sukhasana/easy pose :)

the end <3

'tis the season... for poems(!)

winter solstice on the horizon
time to prepare

ritual, ceremony, gathering
feeling the crisp chill, excitement in the air

time for action, feasting, celebration
but also for quiet reflection, rest and self-care

a year ago this time, i had my baby
the twenty-second, to be exact

leander zia, joon,
you came to join the pack :)

mama and baby born at winter's dawn 
once one, now two

i waited and wished my whole life
to love and welcome you

now that the year comes full circle
i sit, deep in gratitude and joy

the greatest gift is to be your mother
my angel-baby boy