in the cracks between

my latest obsession is things growing in the cracks between the sidewalk. i think it has to do with lee and i living in the city now. i love nature. and since it's not as easy to come by as our last home (there was more nature there than you could shake a stick at, so much so, that i might've had to shake a stick at something. thankfully though, that didn't go down, because doing harm is not my bag, and yes, i can even ramble inside parentheses--sheesh), i find myself tuning into it wherever i can find it. and guess what i am finding out? nature is busting out all over the place! glory, glory! 

besides life in the cracks between the side walk, i've discovered grass growing all the way up and out of the top of a stop sign. crazy, right? like the grass just decided one day, hey, i am going to protest this sign they put here, it makes me so mad, *&^%! then, there was the overpass i waited under while stopped at a red light; greenery had mostly commandeered the structure as a means to get some sunlight in its veins... when i see these beautiful little things my heart swells with joy. so, in honor of all things mother nature (hey, we've got a full moon in cancer tomorrow), i wrote a poem :)

in the cracks between the sidewalk

live all kinds of things wild and free

from worms, weeds and ladybugs

to the deepest roots of that majestic, old oak tree

in the cracks between the sidewalk

life forges upward and expands

because our mother still lies beneath

nurturing with her earthen hands

that which our father covered over 

with his progress and industry

but you can't keep a good woman down

she has to tell her story

so he buried her

but not deep enough you see

she winds her way up every chance she gets

grows, flowers and spreads her love to thee

if you'll just take a moment

to witness her love so green

growing, growing

in the cracks between

some thoughts that came to me today

the only enemy is within.

2014 is about what's left after external influences and stressors of our lives are swept away (thank you, 2013) and we come face-to-face with the part of ourselves that has been generating all that drama.

it can get pretty hideous if we've been stuffing whatever we can't or don't want to face.

hopefully this doesn't sound too depressing, as i felt empowered when the message came through. time to claim our baggage! and do our life-missions proud! we must tame our inner stallions before we can witness the great changes we most want to see in our world. and, overnight would be nice, but it's going to take time. dedication. anything worth having does :)

let's get really real and be kind to ourselves--gentle even. we're still figuring it all out, after all--that so-called apocalypse of 2012 was something internal too! tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes? if they are happening outside of us… they are certainly brewing within--we need to treat ourselves with the greatest of care now. so let's just keep breathing in the love and out the fear while staying focused on living our values.

let us celebrate how far we've come as we prepare for the journey ahead.

*counts blessings, rolls up sleeves*

<3

welcome 2014!

note: i guess technically i started writing this post last year :) but am finishing it now, so here it follows, in two parts. two seemingly unrelated parts, apropos of me. oh, and our NYE was a blast! lee and i got down and boogied, boogied so good we didn't even make it 'til midnight! i hope 2014's dawn smiled beautifully and glowingly upon you all as astrological fireworks ushered it in with a bang~

merry belated everything!! the holiday season's really flying by, is it not? i, personally, am glad for the the swiftness, as i am more than ready to go into hibernation with my baby toddler. oh my goodness! amazing how swift year one goes. i mean, i was mentally preparing myself for this fact throughout my pregnancy, and pretty much every day of my life since, but the reality of those moments comprising his first year of life (and my first as mama) being gone forever--how could my heart not break some? but i accept the fact that it is breaking only so as to accommodate even more love than my wildest dreams have ever unveiled to me.

the reality is, first years (of anything) aren't always comfortable, but they are wondrously memorable, learn-on-the-fly, testing (like, life bringing you to your knees kind of testing), beautiful times where one learns what they're made of (like it or not). they're confidence-building years. so along with preparing myself for time to fly by, i wish i'd prepared myself more for feeling like i went back to school :) oh, motherhood, you sneaky zen-master, you. so yep, (zen)master leander had his first birthday! a beautiful day. he was nursing his first-ever baby cold, and he was a champ all day. he did, however, tire out before all was said and done. so... i knew the day was a success!

xmas kind of came and went at our place, aside from the decorations and our cheer, as the bday was so chock full. we were both nursing the baby cold by that point (sweetest, gentlest cold i've ever had). the plus side was all the sleepy-headed cuddle-action :) now the preparation and countdown for the new year begins. i am ready to welcome 2014. i am excited to dream what will be in the coming days, and to design it as well! i am not going agro-resolution, no. i've learned over the years that i require more flexibility as far as these things are concerned.

~~~

oh my God, I'm here, I'm here! and gratefully so! i finally got to this space. i needed to get here terribly. i've missed it. it's fun to carve out a snapshot of my life and leave it here for whoever might stumble across it. even if no one stumbles across it, it's here. and i am all the more sane because of it ;) i've always loved to journal and keep a log of my life, and i have many books full--which may be fun and interesting for lee to peruse when he is older--why it never occurred to me to start blogging until i became a mom? not sure. maybe because i was busy relating, dancing, singing, listening to and making music (percussion and guitars), writing poems, reading, painting, studying astrology and numerology, going to college, walking, hiking, doing yoga, sleeping, pretty much living in the hair salon i worked at for almost a decade (i <3 hair), and generally boycotting the internet, television, and the media. oh, me. 

any how, yay! i am here, blog-world (yes, in 2010 I had a change of heart and finally embraced the internet--what took me so long?!)! and, yes, i have a toddler now, officially. everybody freak out! i love him so much. he's just fun. lots of fun, *lots and lots of fun* right now. he gets so many things (except for old "no!", of course), he can talk, loves to interact, and loves to love. he is my greatest blessing. his hugs are absolutely the best. he will come up to me and put his arms around my neck and burrow his head in there. it's my favorite :) he wakes up saying "hello, hello!"--kid's got sass. i love it. it's funny, i can really see him coming into his own. i try not to influence him too much, to just let him be, or become… of course that is easier said than done.

it's pretty tricky not to be using the word no all the time, when the reality is you kind of need to be doing that very thing (because your child is often attempting something that could potentially hurt/maim/kill them), or offering alternatives and employing the art of distraction. so i aim for the latter. the key seems to be keeping him busy. that whole "idle hands" bit, i guess! so far he seems to be following in my footsteps with a love of hearing and making music. he prefers grown-up instruments to his baby-friendly ones already :) i have a wee guitar he can attack when he gets a couple years older--he already has the rhythm--woo! and he is fond of books as well. also fond of eating them… i read somewhere that one of the baby food groups is paper. how true!

well, i'm starting to feel a bit heavy-eyed… i'll close with a random lee-pic from each of his twelve months *nostalgia* nite all!